Consider for a moment that you are in love with someone you can never be with.
What do you do? Do you let the person know despite knowing that certain hearts are out of reach? Or why even bother complicating things? Why risk getting hurt? But, what about the nagging regret and unrest of not saying what you really feel? Then again, what about the even more nagging regret and unrest of saying what you really feel and not hearing the answer you wanted to? Is it worth being rational and not letting emotions rule your life? Or is it worth being emotional and living in the moment? Why hold back what makes you happy? But then again, what if the happiness is momentary and when faced with rejection will lead only to a long phase of sorrow?
Why take risks? Why not take risks? Why bother? Why not bother? What should you follow, reason or intuition? What do you do, tell or shut up? Then again, why pursue love? Isn’t it tiring? Isn’t it scary? Why not wait for it to come to you? But then again, what if the wait is never-ending? Will you be courageous enough to say what’s on your mind irrespective of the consequences? Will you be courageous enough to let your heart get broken? Or will it be foolish enough? When does the unrest end? Why is it so hard to say what you feel? Why is not knowing so hard? Why is it so difficult getting from one day to another?
Of the few billion people in this world, why do you sometimes pine for the ones you can’t have? Why can’t you give up? But then, why even give up? Why do you wait? For what do you wait? Till when will you wait? Why can’t you stop thinking about the one who would never think about you? Where is your self-restraint? But then, why is your love shackled by need for reciprocation and the opinion of others? Should you ashamed of an impossible love? Should you ever be ashamed of love? But then, wouldn’t it hurt if it’s not acknowledged or maybe even mocked at? What if it draws only indifference?
What if it is questioned? Why do you love me? What would you answer? How does one explain love? How can you be sure? Is there a minimum criterion of requirements that needs to be checked off before you can declare that you are in love? Who sets these standards? How can you ever be sure? When can you be sure? How do you even ask? Why do questions have to precede answers?
Do you have to look out for signals? How can a person, who takes eons to process simple information, ever identify let alone interpret signals? But, seriously, do signals really exist? Or do we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear? Why can’t the whole process be simple and doesn’t make you lose the hair on your sparsely populated scalp? Why can’t it be so that the name of the person one loves/likes flash on their foreheads, and since it would be a routine occurrence in the alternate universe I’m describing, it won’t be embarrassing, and make it much easier for people to find love without awkward questions and guesses?
But then, what if in another parallel universe, the one you love, loves you back? What would you then? Why did you go so numb with fear? Why is it so impossible even to indulge such a possibility in some faraway universe? Why are you so scared of admitting your love? Is it mere rejection? Is it fear of a broken heart? Or is it the realization that no one would ever come to be even a close second? If you don’t say it out loud, you won’t hear a ‘no’, and that would be a little solace, won’t it? Who would want to let go of that miniscule hope, however ridiculous and absurd it might be?
What is it about a certain person? Why do you feel happy that such a person exists? Finding your innermost thoughts reflected in another, sometimes that’s enough, isn’t it? Isn’t that rare? Isn’t that worth preserving the way it is, unsullied and uncomplicated? But then, what if you had imagined it?
Seriously, how can one know? How can you say it without compromising your dignity and self-respect? Or should you continue to wear a mask of indifference?
Such a dilemma!
Dialect of Heart 